WHEN WORKING WITH PEOPLE ON THEIR STORIES OF HURT …

 … Here are some things to bear in mind. Just three. And I don't say them from any great height, but straightforwardly and without ornament – as if I was speaking to myself thirty years ago, when I began this work in earnest.

1  Don't Be A Dick

Assuming that your basic intentions are good, and that you have something – some skill or personal attribute – to bring to the process of  helping someone tell a difficult personal story, realise and accept that the process is really not about you, in the sense that it is not primarily for your benefit. It is not first and foremost, “a good thing for me to be doing at this point in my career”. It is, rather, something perceived to be of benefit to the person giving voice to their story – most critically by them. And it is thought that you have something to offer as a help, a nett contributor, to what that person is trying to do.

The life-stories of the people you're working with may well have deep resonance and significance - within their own communities, and further afield. In that sense (and others) they are important. Do not try to – or, rather, try never to -  “borrow” any of that significance or importance for yourself. In other words, don't seek to “big up” your role, but see it, truly, as a privileged one. Because it is a privilege to be beside people who are seeking (sometimes struggling) to put the parameters or balm of form on painful stories. In some cases, to do so might be the only justice they get.

In short, don't be a dick by treating people's personal experience as “material”. For material can be cut, torn, stitched – done “violence” to, if you like – to be made into something. Yours is a gentler job altogether. The telling of someone's story gives them somewhere to go. Your job is to assist, without looming too large in the process and blocking their path. The clearer your own intentions and sense of purpose as a FACILITATOR – and the smaller the letters in that word – the better.

2  Build The Ground

It's my own opinion that anything good that comes out of this kind of work comes out of relationship – the relationship that develops between you and the person contributing their story. In other words, at the beginning – when you have only the “project” bringing you together -  that is not enough. You're barely at the starting point. And I would suggest that you are responsible for building up the ground in which good things might take root. In the early stages that means that you carry with you, you embody the idea that the project and the process towards delivering it are trustable things. The other prerequisites for building the ground are listening (real listening); humour; buckets of tea and coffee; and a willingness to suspend the “agenda” at any time.

3  At The Same Time …

Helping someone amplify their story is great work to be doing, and you may well be great at doing it. If you're good-hearted, prepared, and prepared to learn from the people you're working with, I'm sure it'll all be fine. As I said at the start, I'm not giving out to anyone here – except maybe some part of myself. And I'm not at all saying that this is work you should do crippled with nerves or impossible expectations. It's just that I've seen contributors hurt, and they don't need more hurt. In a way it comes down to trust – to trusting your own decencies, gifts, and experience; and, above all, trusting those you're working with to be in charge.

DAMIAN GORMAN